I recently went on a hiking trip with my husband and some friends, it was a wonderful day. We laughed and soaked in God's creation. We were on top of the world for just a little while but it was long enough... just long enough to keep me floating above the surface when we got home.
I documented the day and I couldn't see myself in the photos. I was lost under layers of bad choices and I was stunned.
I had no idea that this had happened... I don't remember it happening. But who does? I sat and stared at this image that was supposedly of my face, of my stomach, of my legs... my body. I just couldn't believe it. I've clearly lost control. I cried out to Joey and he came. He didn't understand... and how could he? He is not lost. He just looked at me and said, "It's not that bad." He was sweet and I could see that he loved me despite these decisions I've made for myself.
He walked away but I couldn't move. My hand covering my gaping mouth as tears rolled down my cheeks. I had noticed that things weren't like they used to be but I honestly had no idea.
I mourned the health that I once had and the time that I had wasted but only for a moment. I knew that if I wallowed in my hurt and disappointment that I would not be able to move. So I stood up looked at myself in the mirror and took it in. I acknowledged that this is where I am and I can ignore it no longer. This right now, is my reality. I can no longer run from it. I must face where I've come and work to make it better.
I've made a commitment to myself to love my body, first as it is now because you can not care for yourself if you do not love yourself first. So this is me...
But this is only me yesterday, it is not me today or tomorrow... or ever again. Praise God for this reminder and praise God that it came when I was ready to hear it.
Shine Always,
Shelby Jean
Shine Always,
Shelby Jean
You are precious to me, sweet girl!
ReplyDeleteLove you, Shelbers! Photos are what motivated me, too. I know that feeling. You can do this!
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