Loving our children... a message to myself: a future Mama

I want to begin this message by saying that I am young, only 21, I have only been married for about a year and a half, and I know that I still have so much to learn. I also want to say that I reserve the right to change my mind about anything that I say in this post... or any where else. I had a professor once who said,

 "You cannot use any one moment to define who a person is; we are in a process, constantly growing, and changing." -Jeff Pool

I thought this was a such a brilliant thought and one that we really need to try and internalize because we so often decide the character, intentions, and morals of a person based on one interaction and as a human who changes her mind constantly, I must say that's not fair. But let me get back to my message... my reason for taking time away from homework to write a post. 

I was inspired to write this message after two more lovely babies were brought into the world, my life, and my family. I have looked at lovely photos, held innocent hands, and listened to tiny whimpers that seem to break down and build up your heart all at the same time. Each and every time I hold one of my many nephews or play with one of my adorable nieces, my heart aches for one of my own. (And to those who may be tempted: This is not an invitation for a lecture on waiting! Haha) I am so excited to be a mother. I am so excited to raise up a precious child, to teach them about God's love, to watch them learn and discover this amazing world. There is so much beauty in being young and while it's easy to miss as a child, I can see it clearly as an adult. 

But as I've previously said, I don't have any children yet. I haven't personally experienced the challenges, the pressures, and the changes that come with children so I know that there's a lot I can't understand yet. However, one thing I do know and can confidently say is that our children need to be loved. And if we think about what love actually is than this thought means so much more than what the world says it does. 

Firstly, loving our children means that we show them the Truth. We talk about, worship, and live for God all of the time. But it's important that our children not only be told these things but shown them. One of the best ways to teach someone something new is to model it for them. We display what we'd like from and for them by being examples of those things. For example, if you want your child to be healthy then you need to lead a healthy life... you must eat correctly, exercise, and put time into caring for your body. (Yes, I'm talking to myself now and myself in the future with this example.) This is exactly what we must do to show our children the Truth and to show them how we can live as living sacrificing for the One who sacrificed it all.

Loving our children also means that we discipline them. We show them the differences in right and wrong and we instill in them the desire for what's good. We show them what God expects from us, and with time and maturity, they will desire to be pleasing to Him. When they disobey then there must be consequences. We are preparing them for their relationship with God as well as with the world. If our children become adults believing that they are entitled and untouchable then it will be impossible for them to please God. They must be able to humble themselves, apologize, grow, and move on. We teach our children these skills if we discipline them correctly and consistently. We are failing our kids when we fail to discipline. 

Loving our children also means that we give them what they need and not what we need. Many of us have pieces of personal histories that hurt... that scarred us deeply. Our experiences affect our decisions and our relationships. Many times if we were hurt deeply, then we become obsessed with trying to protect our children from that same hurt, all the while, inadvertently hurting them in a new way. One of the best skills that we can have in this life is the ability to honestly and constantly self-reflect. We have to be able to evaluate our motivations. I need to be able to look back on any given day and explain why I made particular choices; if I don't like my reasoning then I need to fix it. We all make mistakes and we definitely will as parents, but we have to be humble enough to admit them, apologize if necessary, and then work to change. We cannot, nor should we, live our ideal lives through our children. They ought to have the opportunity to live their own. 

And lastly, loving our children means letting them be children. Please, let your children get dirty, let them color a picture outside of the lines, let them watch a silly movie, and let them play with other kids. Think about it, our childhood is the only time in our lives that we get to experience real innocence and a light-heartedness. Don't take that away from your children... life will do that on its own. Instead of forcing our kids to be little adults let them show you cool bugs, dance around in a princess dress, and let them discover.

There are so many more things that I could have added and maybe you think that I've left out something crucial... share it with me,  I wanna learn! As I said before, I'm not a mom yet and I know that there are so many small and difficult details that I know nothing about but these were just a few things that I do know. I hope that you were encouraged and that you will spend some time self-reflecting. I hope that you will think about the things that you want for your child in this life and that you consider whether or not your choices are helping or hindering. And I hope that one day this message will serve me as an important reminder of what I want for my own children.