God meant it for good.

As I've already shared with many people today, April is Child Abuse Awareness (Prevention) Month. Which makes it an open platform for me to talk about the reality and prevalence of child abuse; an almost untouchable subject. For many years now I have been invited to speak or do programs during this month in an effort to get the word out and share my own personal story. This will be the first year that I have not been invited somewhere and it's wearing on my heart... not because I need a stage but because child abuse does.

I am a survivor of sexual child abuse. For many years when I shared my story I couldn't bring myself to mouth the word "sexual" because I thought that it would change the way people saw me. I thought they'd look at me the way that I used to look at myself. As someone disgusting, ugly, and dirty. I realize now that I can own my experience without shame. I am not disgusting, ugly, or dirty and no one will ever have the power to make me feel that way again. This strength and new-found self worth are feelings that I wish I could sow into a the stitches of a quilt and spread over the earth. If everyone knew their own value, in God's eyes... well, that might just change everything.

I have been physically free for 15 years now and emotionally free for about 6 and I can't possibly express how amazing it is to shed those shackles and break down those walls. But with each breath of liberating air I take in, I must think of those who are still suffocating. There are millions of children across our nation and on our earth who are physically, emotionally, sexually, or mentally abused and neglected each day. In most cases children are abused at the hands of someone they know and should be able to trust. I was abused by my own father. The one person in this world that I should be able to trust the most, scarred my for life. It is heart breaking to admit these truths because we don't want them to be reality. We want to believe that parents and other family members/friends would never hurt an innocent child but in some cases, we would simply be wrong. We have to protect God's children.

This month is a time for claiming victory and celebrating freedom. This month is a time for taking off life's blinders and finding ways to make a difference. Speak out. Share your own story. Never stop talking. Abuse thrives in silence, it grows and manifests itself in the shadows. We have to bring it into the light. For many years I have shared my story and it has never failed that I would receive at least one response from another survivor. Abuse is much more common than we care to admit. I know that 1/4 of the people who read this are likely to be survivors themselves and that is entirely too sad. Don't let the pattern continue, let it end with you.

Each day I will wear my blue ribbon to declare my freedom to the world and to demand that we work together to end the cycle. I hope that you will join me. If you see me around you can be sure that I've got a roll of ribbon and scissors handy so just ask--I have plenty to share. There is hope for you and there is hope for the world. I believe in a God who can use our pain to create beauty. Just like Joseph in Genesis Chapter 50, I can say that my father meant it for evil but God meant it for good.

And now, as always, I will end with my family's story:

My sister was 13, my brother was 9, and I was 6 when we the abuse finally ended. My beautiful, strong, and loving sister had always protected me and for those first few years she sacrificed herself in an attempt to spare her siblings. But when she discovered that she was not alone in her abuse, Jessica found the courage within herself to tell what our father had done. He was taken away and the long legal process began. One day after coming home from Grand Jury we were all spending some time in our playroom. On the wall we had a white board and my sister had written the exclamation “I am free!” in flowing letters. My brother, unable to read cursive, asked my grandmother what was on the board. After learning what it said, Caleb walked up to the board and erased the word “I”. In its place he wrote “We”, the board now read “We am free!” And that statement says it all.